Skip directly to content

Search IMERE

Search form

I Actually Became Nothing, Yet I Was at the Same Time More Than Nothing

Mystical Experiencer:  Female in late forties
Current location:  U.S.A.
Age at time of experience:  49

I was attending a six day workshop at a spiritual retreat in Virginia. I had been feeling a little ‘off’ the first three days of the retreat. I had a mystical vision on the third day. But it was the fourth day, I had a really unusual experience.

It was a guided meditation with some background music. I remember hearing the instructor’s voice the first 5-10 minutes, after which I heard no sound. I felt myself being pulled up into a tunnel. I remember being pulled through the gold light. As I kept moving up, the light changed to the colors of rainbow. As I kept going up (by this time I was starting to think, why wasn't I slowing down or stopping) the force that was pulling me became a translucent energy. The pull was very strong, and I was moving really fast.

The next thing I know, I collided with a wall of energy. It was a powerful impact, as I gasped when I hit the wall. The energy engulfed me. It was gentle and yet very strong. It was a huge wall, and it was moving very slowly, more like the movement of the earth on its orbit. The energy was alive, it was dark and pulsating.

Suddenly I saw my form fly headfirst out of the wall and go spiraling down the abyss with legs flailing in the air. I could even see the pattern at the bottom of my sandals. I was totally shocked, and for an instant I thought, why am I falling down there, when I'm still here?

Then it came to me. There was no place for the form in this energy. It was tossed out. I totally relaxed, I felt no attachment to anything. There was no thought or identity. I also had no memory of my children, husband, parents, life on earth. I believe that I went down the abyss with the form. I actually became nothing, yet I was at the same time more than nothing. It’s hard to explain. I was in this state for some time. I felt no joy, or bliss, or ecstasy. I just was, I existed. I remember sensing that this energy was really ancient, it was very, very old. It’s always existed. There was no end or beginning to it.

I don't know how long I was there. The exercise was about 45-50 mins. I remember hearing the voice of the instructor at the end of the exercise, and the next thing I knew I was back in my body. I started to shake, and the tears wouldn't stop. I was so overwhelmed by the experience. I wasn't sure what to make of it. I knew something profound had happened. I believe I experienced a union with the Divine. I don't know exactly what else to call it.

I was feeling very strange for about two weeks after. The top of my head felt as if there was a crater. It felt raw. I didn't want anyone or anything to touch the top of my head. I also felt as if my brain was being mushed together. Please forgive me, I don't have proper words to describe that very uncomfortable feeling in my head. It truly felt as if my brain was being squeezed together. I did not feel well.

The state of being nothing and everything is not as strong now as it was the first 2-3 months. But something has shifted. I don't 'feel' the same. I've become detached from emotions. I see life around me as if I'm seeing events on a movie screen. I am also seeing myself as if I am outside my body. I don't feel the same in this body. It is a very interesting experience, this detachment.

I feel I am watching myself. I don't have the right words to explain this. I know it sounds very strange. I am not part of any organized or active group, and have been doing my own research on my experiences. I think my experiences are mystical in nature. I came across your website as I was trying to find some information on mysticism.

Did you have an experience similar to the one described above?  Please Share Your Experience Today! It’s safe, secure, and anonymous (if you prefer).

Back to Mystical Experience Registry Submitted Cases Page